Some Fears

Some Fears | Emily Berry

Fear of breezes; fear of quarrels at night-time; fear of wreckage; fear of one's reflection in spoons; fear of children's footprints; fear of the theory behind architecture; fear of boldness; fear of catching anxiousness from dogs; fear of ragged-right margins; fear of exposure after pruning back ivy; fear of bridges; fear of pure mathematics; fear of cats expressing devotion; fear of proximity to self-belief; fear of damp tree trunks; fear of unfamiliar elbows (all elbows being unfamiliar, even one's own); fear of colour leaking from vegetables; fear of the mechanics of love affairs; fear of slipping; fear of ill-conceived typography; fear of non-specific impact leading to the vertical ejection of the spine from the body; fear of leaf mulch; fear of the timbre of poetry recitals; fear of balcony furniture; fear of colour leaking from the heart; fear of internal avalanche; fear of the notion of a key engaging with the inside of a lock; fear of psychoanalytical interpretations; fear of dregs; fear of book titles; fear of particular hues of sky glimpsed from aeroplane windows; fear of text stamped into metal; fear of promises; fear of alienation brought on by hospitality; fear of unexplained light; fear of comprehensive write-off; fear of fear; fear of help. Fear of asking for, receiving, refusing, giving, or being denied help.

Edinburgh | July 2017

Fear is something I've been thinking a lot about these past few months, and this poem really made an impression on me. Two other items that relate to this theme: Kendrick Lamar's song FEAR. from his new album. Give it a listen if you're not offended by strong language. Also, 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." As Marilynne Robinson puts it in Lila, that's something I want to think about for a while.



[With thanks to my lovely (now former) housemate Beth for an introduction to this poem.]

Because I've already celebrated Thanksgiving

T. S. Eliot (brilliantly) on the value of tradition and the meaning of Christmas:


The Cultivation of Christmas Trees

There are several attitudes towards Christmas,
Some of which we may disregard:
The social, the torpid, the patently commercial,
The rowdy (the pubs being open till midnight),
And the childish — which is not that of the child
For whom the candle is a star, and the gilded angel
Spreading its wings at the summit of the tree
Is not only a decoration, but an angel.
The child wonders at the Christmas Tree:
Let him continue in the spirit of wonder
At the Feast as an event not accepted as a pretext;
So that the glittering rapture, the amazement
Of the first-remembered Christmas Tree,
So that the surprises, delight in new possessions
(Each one with its peculiar and exciting smell),
The expectation of the goose or turkey
And the expected awe on its appearance,
So that the reverence and the gaiety
May not be forgotten in later experience,
In the bored habituation, the fatigue, the tedium,
The awareness of death, the consciousness of failure,
Or in the piety of the convert
Which may be tainted with a self-conceit
Displeasing to God and disrespectful to children
(And here I remember also with gratitude
St. Lucy, her carol, and her crown of fire):
So that before the end, the eightieth Christmas
(By “eightieth” meaning whichever is last)
The accumulated memories of annual emotion
May be concentrated into a great joy
Which shall be also a great fear, as on the occasion
When fear came upon every soul:
Because the beginning shall remind us of the end
And the first coming of the second coming.

Westminster Abbey | December 2014

Montserrat, Spain

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untraveled world whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.

[Tennyson, "Ulysses"]

The day before I left Spain to return to London, I visited Montserrat. The monastery was interesting, but the mountains surrounding it were really lovely, with some simply stunning views!

I took the train from Barcelona to Montserrat.

And then the cable car up.

The sanctuary within the monastery.

The Benedictine monastery.

Joan of Arc, I believe.

This is a place of pilgrimage; people come to see the Virgin of Montserrat (la Moreneta).

Time to look for a view.

Consider yourselves forewarned: there are a lot of pictures of rocks.

A little chapel dedicated to St Jerome, I believe; more pictures later.

0-5 in terms of quality of pictures taken of me by two well-meaning strangers (you only have to see two of them).

4,055 feet -- not too shabby.

Then again, these people climbed up.

At least this captures the weather conditions at the top.

Rustles of Spring.

Do you see the face?

Another chapel, I suppose.

One of the most exciting things on this gorgeous hike -- getting a view of the Pyranees.

One of these ran across my path!

So much respect.

For perspective. Can you see the climber?

Caught what may have been the last funicular down to the monastery.

And the cable car back down to the train station (after buying a huge block of cheese!).

Cute but random little bar. Charged way too much for a can of Coke, FYI ;)

Had quite a bit to think about that day as I hiked the mountains above Montserrat monastery. Some of the words of this Psalm kept playing in my head:

Even the sparrow finds a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
    my King and my God. 
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
    ever singing your praise! Selah 
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 
As they go through the Valley of Baca
    they make it a place of springs;
    the early rain also covers it with pools.

[Psalm 84:3-6]